


(don’t) follow their voice

by crystalldragon



Category: Guild Wars 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:20:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25316680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crystalldragon/pseuds/crystalldragon
Summary: The voices won’t stop. No. Instead, they grow. Louder and louder.Snippets of the time the Pact Commander spent around Bjora Marches.
Kudos: 4





	(don’t) follow their voice

**Author's Note:**

> My commander is a [nb asura thief](http://i.imgur.com/jqt277s.jpg), but this can be read from the perspective of pretty much any commander!  
> I'm hyped for the next episode so I finished this drabble, hope you enjoy :)

I still hear their voice. Every day. Every night. I wouldn't admit it before, but now I do. 

The kodan have warned me about these "thoughts that are not my own". At first I thought nothing of it. I had endured so many dark thoughts before and didn't give in to them. Why would it be any different now? But it _is_ different.

This time, the most difficult thing isn't enduring those thoughts. It’s the doubt that manifests inside you alongside. It's not knowing which ones are my thoughts and which ones are theirs. I get tormented by the fear of losing my own thoughts. And since the others are affected by their voice just the same, what value do their words have anyway? How many of my friends will get in danger because of these voices? Will I be able to save them? Are they even my friends anymore? Who is my ally, and who is my enemy? When the cold sweeps through your bones and the whispers grow louder, who knows who's trustworthy anymore. 

Jormag surely knows of these doubts and how they grow into a gorge between everyone. Just as they know how to make one lose the remainder of their fighting spirit. They told me how I've been fighting so hard and how I should finally rest. I am tired of fighting. They know that. They know everything about me. Maybe they know more about me than I do. And it's scary.

I've used to look down on the Sylvari who were so strong before but then answered Mordremoth's call. _Why should it be so hard to resist this voice in your head_? I thought. Now I know. I wish I could take back the harsh things I've said to some of these people. It's hard enough to fight with your own thoughts. But when another one's voice comes in? I can understand why one would give in to that.

―

We've fought against The Fraenir and The Storm and we've fought against Drakkar. We fought hard and we won. But what does victory matter if the voices are still there? No matter how many Icebrood I kill, no matter how many plans I come up with and no matter how much cold my body can take, eventually, the voices still return.

When I protected the Raven Shrines from the Icebrood, the voices told me to "kill them" so many times until there was nothing else in my mind. And in the end, I slowly forgot who was meant by _them_ , so there was nothing left besides that one word: _Kill. Kill. Kill._ When the fight ended and I came to, I was... scared. I was simply scared. I didn't even notice what exactly I was doing before. I just remembered shooting my bow mindlessly at what ran towards me. Of course, I know the feeling of becoming inured to death and killing but this was something else. It was almost like someone else was forcing my hands to act. As if the voices in my head had entered my body like a virus. I was me, but at the same time I wasn't. 

I don't want to be scared. I _can't_ be scared. I am the Pact Commander. But I am scared.

―

Their voice has gone quiet for now. Instead, I feel the warm, sincere embrace of Aurene in and around me. It's been hard without her. Ever since she came around and saved us so many times, I have grown very attached to her. With her at our back, I believed we could do everything. We could finally change the world for the better. But then she left. Kralkatorrik was defeated and she left. Of course, I was relieved. She wasn't dead like we feared. But she wasn't the small dragon I could carry in my arms anymore either. Now, she's something else entirely and who knows what motives _she_ has. After all, I've yet to meet an elder dragon that does _not_ want to destroy the world.

I still trust her. With my life. But after all I've learned about elder dragons and their magic and power... I'm not so sure about anything concerning them. Not only are they part of nature, but their existence is so fundamentally important that killing an elder dragon may be the wrong thing to do, considering the consequences. Kralkatorrik was made way more powerful by the deaths of other elder dragons. Who knows how powerful we've made Jormag by killing Kralkatorrik as well? How much more powerful can they get before it becomes absolutely impossible for us to kill them? How many elder dragons can we kill before it becomes absolutely impossible for us to continue living? If I could turn back time, I would go back and hit Zhaitan, Mordremoth and Kralkatorrik with an eternal sleep dart or something instead of killing them. But how can we let them live without them destroying our home world? I don't know. I really don't know.

Jormag whispered sweet things to me. How I could be safe with them. How they could help me. Many years ago, such thoughts were out of the question for me. Dragons were our enemies, they always were. But then we learned of their true nature. And then there was her - Aurene. And Glint. And Vlast. They all fought for and with me.

I am safe with Aurene. She is helping me. As an Elder Dragon. Is there a small chance of another Elder Dragon being on our side? I don't know. I really don't know.


End file.
